Your waitlist has shrunk below 30 and you could receive a referral any time. Your excitement is growing, your patience
running thin and with each passing day there are butterflies in your stomach! Here are some best practices to ensure that
you do not overlook some key tasks or overdo some simple ones:
As per extant guidelines (May 2017) CARA offers only one referral at a time with a gap of of 90 days between two referrals.
Parents are advised to reserve the FIRST profile referred to them. There is very little rationale for waiting to see the second profile
as there may hardly be any comparison possible between the two profiles - even if they are from the same region.
Considering that most parents would have waited for several months to get a profile, not reserving the first profile could only
delay their adoption journey without real gains. Parents may choose not to reserve a child only on real strong personal,
technical or professional grounds.
Once reserved, the child must be accepted within 20 days else the parents would be relegated to the bottom of the wait list, even after being referred a single profile.
Chances are that you shall have to travel outstation to see and bring home your child. For some parents it could even be another State.
Please make adequate travel arrangements such as flight, rail, cab or self drive keeping the child's age and profile. You should plan
for 3-5 days of stay near the place where the adoption agency may be located. While you may take close relaitves or extended family to the
city where agency is located, keep the visitors to the agency to bare minimum. Your family can join you locally, once you bring the child
form the Agency.
Do not get concerned if you feel the child looks different from the photo uploaded in the profile. Looks of very young children change even a few weeks apart, plus it is extremely difficult to photograph infants and young children. Most children pick up on health and mannerism soon as they are home. Visit the Agency with minimum pre conceived expectations, and keep an open mind in connecting with the child.
In the event you observe any abnormality or unexpected bahaviour either of agency staff, the child or surroundingd, bring it to immediate notice to the management. Your prompt action can safeguard your seniority, in case there was a real issue that the agency should be owning up. Not to forget, make all arrangements ready at home to welcome your child - such as child care kit, first aide, toys, help at hand and even a pediatrician.
Parents should set aside quality time to bond with the child, especially if the child is over 4 years or more. Take some time off from work and usual routine,
even if you do not get adoption leave. These are very critical days, and your presence with the child will help her gain trust with you and develop mutual understanding.
Chances are many of your neighbours may not have a previous experience with adoption. Do not shy before them in sharing your story about adoption. Sensitize them to Positive Adoption Language. Your comfort and honesty in dealing with adoption in front of family, friends, acquaintances and peers will go a long way in assimilating the experience of adoption, and the self confidence of your child.
Observe your child closely for first six months and seek counselling, therapy or medical intervention if you notice any unusual behaviour. Join an adoption support group to assure you of your responses. Sign up the National Adoptive Parent's Registry on our website to discover, assist and seek guidance from the larger network of families in adoption across India.
Go slow on your expectation with regard to academics and social performance. Allow the child to settle down, develop own personality and blossom with inherent potential. tell your child about his/her adoption commemorating the day he/she came home, their initial habits, likes / dislikes and make a scrap book for them to cherish later in life. Read lot of story books with your child, including those on adoption. Develop a healthy perception of adoption, even before you share the fact of adoption with your child. It ensures that as and when the child gets to know of her adoption, she relates to it with an open and positive mindset. One final tip - do not readily link any deviations imemdiately with adoption. Parenting comes with a lot of uncertainties. Love and Trust will see through most situations - for the rest, seek information and professional advice.
Your child will comprehend adoption differently at various stages of life. Stay away from fairy tale gossip around adoption. Tyour child that "he came from the heart" may only
add to the confusion. Invest in your relationship with unconditional love, honesty and compasison.
You will come across several situations where people from civic society such as doctors, police, immigration desks, teachers, neighbours etc. may be explicit about your child's adoption. Take that in stride, sensitize people where possible, and empower your children to deal with adoption, face the world and live with a POSITIVE IDENTITY IN ADOPTION. As you child grows, there will be numerous references to adoption, the birth parents, the drivers for your adoption, the possible reasons behind your child being placed in adoption. Stay away from melodrama. Be truthful, humane and carry a positive outlook. Adoption is a spiritual experience, only if you caste away the clouds of stereotype, hearsay and myths floated in films and fiction.