Nov 03 - Telling the child about adoption
Category: Submission by a counsellor
one of the most frequently asked question in adoption is why, when and howt to tell the child about adoption. I have personally come in contact with several parents who have refrained from telling the child about adoption, even after the child is well beyond the teens. Quite often the main reason for not sharing the fact about adoption with the child is influenced by the stereotype propagated by films and fiction. It is presumed that the revelation of adoption is bound to be disastrous for the child.
Such a preposition can only stem from our own faulty understanding of adoption. If we comprehend, propagate and talk of adoption as a less than preferred choice, then it is bound to impact the child negatively. However, if we think of adoption as a positive life changing event within the family, there is no need to be afraid of any undesirable consequences.
Adoption is an inseparable part of the child's personality and identity. The child has every right to know about its origins and place in the family. Knowing the truth helps the child discover its own strengths and limitations. it also becomes useful if a medical, psychological or academic inervention is required. Living in denial rather causes greater distress and disocnnect in relationships.
It is not the fact of adoption, but the manner in which "being adopted" is portrayed and understoos in the society, that actually could harm a child. It therefore becomes imperative that the child is told about adoption at a very young age, in a positive manner so that the child is able to objectively understand about adoption.
It is equally important to distinguish adoption issues from parenting, teenage, genetic, career or acaemic issues. Life is a mixed bag of challenges and happiness. It is unworthy to reflect chalenges associated with alternate faculties of life to that of adoption. Such stereotypes only reflect poorly on the ignorance of perpetratros, rather than poorly on adoption.
A short video can help you understand why, when and ow to tell the child about adoption.
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